I wish it was different

I havent blogged about this person since I have hung out with her. No one knows about this until now because eventually I will tell this person to read this blog because you have no idea how to find it, jessica you dont even have a twitter, but I wont tell you to read it until I am in Jacksonville. When we met two years ago well over two years ago in like 11th grade lol we were friends for a little bit, and well you find me on myspace and we just decide to hang out, Jessica first off I want to personally tell you that you are a grreeaatt person. I told you the first night that we hung out 2 weeks ago that we were just friends and I told you about my position and how I feel about a relationship and you agreed. Jessica I know tonight crushed you and if you read this I am actually writing it on the date when everything went down august 9 2009. I am not going to lie to you if you would of shown up a year ago i would be with you in a heartbeat. I totally would, Your in college, NICE CAR. nice parents, your personality is hilarious, your sweet, attractive, say the funniest things, your very caring, but to be honest I cant be with you, at least not now well when you finally read this I wont be here. Maybe one day there is a road but it cant be in this city. Im sorry. Yesterday at the mall you said you fell for me. I am sorry that you did I really am. I dont understand how because all we have done is just hang out watch movies take walks in your town. Yes we did some pretty funny things with the dude at the gas station and the girl that drove by us in the mustang and just yesterday when you made the joke about my cat being fat and you really had me laughing for like an hour. You say you love me and stuff and it realllly scares me because I am no way shape or form ready to love or be in a relationship. If I could forget the things that have happened to me than I would actually for once kiss you and be with you. I told you I cant kiss anyone and I gave you my reasons, and well you told me you would wait for me which in all honesty is the sweetest thing anyones said to me in a while. Jessica tonight you gave me a note and it was like 6 pages long, and it really made me cry, because of the things you said, tonight I told you that i didnt want us hanging out anymore because i didnt want you to fall any harder for me and that I wasnt falling for you, il get it clear, I like you alot, I really do, I would love to be with you, But I ask God and I am just not ready, I cant give you love if my love is towards someone that doesnt really exist anymore. I want to call it bad timing for you I really do, if maybe you met me a year ago, it would of saved me a major heartbreak and I honestly believe I could last with you. If I wasnt leaving and we just took it slow than i could definitely be with you, but I cant be here, It would be wrong for me to be with you and think of another person the whole time, Jessica when you read this i want you to understand something, You are amazing. You actually made me smile which is something I havent been able to do lately. You will find someone to give you love and be with you, Ima be honest I want it to be me but it cant be. I made this blog so long for you because you gave me a 6 page note. Im sorry tonight didnt turn out like how you wanted, take care and you will read this when i actually give you the url for it take care.